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  1 month ago


Let’s Talk About Sex

More specifically, let’s talk about you talking to your kids about sex.

Here are five tips to help you have the best kinds of birds-and-bees conversations…

1. Think journey, not destination.
Gone are the days of having one awkward talk with your newly minted teen. Not only is it way too late to start talking, but it’s far too little. There’s just too much-sacred ground to cover.

One conversation just can’t do it justice. Besides, there are so many layers to the subject that one can only deal superficially with younger kids, and then progressively, discuss at greater depths – in more detail and with more nuance as they get older.

2. Keep it natural.
Ideally, most of these convos should be unplanned. Let your kid take the lead… when they ask about something (perhaps about a body part, a word they heard, or how babies are made), don’t shy away from answering them honestly.

Yet at the same time, it’s best to refrain from unpacking more than they asked… you don’t want to overwhelm them! Try to keep these chats non-intense.

Eye contact can make it a little uncomfortable, so have the chat while you’re cooking in the kitchen, or both doing something side by side, or on your way somewhere in the car.

3. Keep it shame-free.
Many of us grew up feeling that our sexuality was something dirty or sordid. Sometimes it was because of something our parents said when we were still kids. Or maybe it was something they didn’t say – taboo communicates more shame than we realize.

Or perhaps something they did, like slapping our hands as we fiddled with our genitalia in our toddler years. In turn, we often can unwittingly add shame to our children’s basic feelings about their sexuality. Keep in mind that kids’ natural curiosity with their sexuality and genitalia is just that: natural!

Of course, there are basic rules that we all need to learn about what’s appropriate, when, and where, but try to communicate this using the same tone you do other basic life rules.

4. Let them determine the pace.
Don’t tell kids more than they’re ready or want to hear. Explaining where babies come from should be answered in stages, each convo sensitive to the developmental readiness of your child.

That said, sometimes kids just don’t ask. Perhaps they feel too embarrassed to ask. Or maybe they’ve received (mis)information from a sibling, a friend, or the media. In that case, take the initiative and say, ‘If you’ve ever wondered how babies are made, I’d be very happy to tell you.’

5. Establish yourself as their go-to person.
The cool thing about having lots and lots of these chats with your child is that you set yourself up as the person they can safely talk about sexuality with. At the end of each conversation say, ‘Anytime you have questions like these, I’d be glad to answer.’

One key to maintaining this role is to pretend to be unshocked by their question, comment, or behavior even though you may well actually be!

They will likely keep asking you in the future if you maintain your chill at all times.

Freak out later – when they’re not looking!

How old are your kids and have you had this chat with them yet, or when are you planning on having ‘The Talk’ with them?


  1 month ago
At what age should one begin having these kind of conversations with their kids? Reply


  1 month ago
I was open with them without freaking out but did roll my eyes as i walk away Reply


  1 month ago
Do you think too many parents shy away from having this discussion with their kids? Reply

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